There are two main definitions for the word minnow – one being a small freshwater Eurasian cyprinoid fish that typically forms large shoals and the other being a person or organization of relatively small size, power, or influence – so it is easy to take this word and use it to describe the alliances listed below. You are small and smell like fish.
Last week, I reviewed alliances in the top 30 and the reaction was a lot more than I thought it would turn out to be. My alliance, The Island, was even coincidentally attacked a day after the article went live – was it because of the judgements? I don’t know and I don’t care – but if it was, I’m happy I was able to strike a chord with you. Let me take a second to write something up for liability purposes.
Before you go and get all bootyhurt about what is about to happen, just remember that this is an opinion post – that literally means that this is my opinion – nobody else’s opinion. So, when you get all bent out of shape because I am speaking from my heart and mind based off my own experiences and view of you and your alliance the only thing you should do is either agree or disagree – if you know you’re trash, be better than trash. If you don’t think you’re trash (therefore think I’m trash for thinking you’re trash) then you’re not trash. Anything beyond what this post actually is and what you perceive it to be is strictly on you and you alone. With all that being said – let’s get this show on ze road.
Weighing in at #31 our first alliance up on the judgement block is:
United Purple Nations – Rating: Pulse Check
To be honest with you I had no idea UPN was still around – I am not crazy about following what rank I am in my alliance, which really only makes me look at ranks when I’m judging other alliances – UPN sits at #31 with about 84k score and 28 members with average score of nearly 3000 and they are only allied to Acadia (another alliance I didn’t know was still around) with an MDoAP. My first thought of UPN is something of ‘why the fuck are they still here’ but it really just goes back to the other article where you create a name for yourself and that name sticks. Although the competency and the notable government go away, people know UPN as UPN – its a shell. You don’t see much about UPN other than that CSI: UPN video they posted that got a bit of heat – I’m sure some people have daily connections with them, but they seem pretty dull – they probably need a pulse check to make sure they are still alive and if they get something – break up, do something different.
Camelot – Rating: Burning (Gay) Trash
Nothing makes me more happy than getting the chance to call Camelot trash. Why? Because they always hit me up in DMs or try to make a sly comment on the PW forums about them not being trash – don’t be hurt guys, it’s just a quick judgement. Ever since these guys fell out of the trash bin on the way to the curb, they have been in the headlines as ‘that shit alliance over there’ – either fucking up horrible with political moves, doing shit in wars, crying to theirprotectors, or behaving like absolute autistic children…they are an awful alliance. There really isn’t much more to say about Camelot than that they are a trash alliance fit for garbage people. If you’re a garbage person, Camelot might be the alliance for you. The best way to describe Camelot would be like – some kid you wen to school with who was told ‘good job’ once and then he just thinks he’s the best at everything now – hot shit – but in reality, just hot garbage….and gay! Just to give y’all an idea how how they shape up, they have just under 60 members only 80k alliance strength, and a shit average strength of 1400. #CamelotGarbage
NGL – this one is just straight up trash talk.
Knights of Malta – Rating: Eh
This is a tough one because you don’t really hear much about these guys – pretty lame to make an alliance based on knights again – I think we have plenty of Knights in this game, but to each their own. Their alliance description makes them look like a bunch of third graders; no real hyper link, random caps, grammar and punctuation all over the place – really know design there. I believe this was a merger which included United Hoods – which I was actually sad to see give up and sit in this alliance, seems like a back step. I believe this alliance will end just like all the others that get formed in this fashion – You’ll see maybe a war participation (probably not) and then they will dissolve or UH will pull out and form back up. I labeled this as Eh because they have the potential to do something, but seem to lack the motivation to do anything at all. Eh.
Yakuza – Rating: Y’alright
This is interesting – pretty much two alliances in a row that slightly made it past my harsh judgement. Yakuza, you definitely don’t hear much about these guys – at least not in my conversation circles. That can be good and bad – but looking at their alliance, they look pretty solid for their size. 26 members, 76k alliance strength, and nearly 3k average score – unfortunately protected by the Trash Knights, that will probably be their only downfall. Yakuza, get out of the IQ dump, find you some allies that you can pair with nicely, get you a better family. Y’alright for now – but I don’t want to have to judge you harshly in the future. Congrats for making it through this list.
World Task Force – Rating: Keep it Up
Not gonna lie I thought there were going to be more alliances in this range that I wouldn’t like. The first thing that comes to mind with WTF is – damn – y’all still here? I’m not sure there is anything really bad to say about WTF other than why they haven’t pushed ranks higher – but maybe that isn’t in their purview. Personally, I love being in the range WTF is in, you get more action with politics and drama to keep you engaged in the game.At rank 35 of 252 alliances, they hold 22 members – which is an ideal group. They have nearly 75k alliance strength and almost 4k average score – that is a solid stat set. On top of that they keep their treaties limited which gives them points for not being super attached to a conglomerate treaty pact. I say, keep it up WTF – from my position y’all are doing the good shit.
Electric Space – Rating: Trash Bag
Oof. Where did y’all come from? This alliance seems like your average case of a random pop-up that takes on a ton of different nations, builds ranks fast with mediocre building and only rises in the ranks quickly due to the amount of members they capture. Electric Space has 73 members – too many – and has an average score of 1000. They’ve got about 30 nations above 1k score, everyone else is well-below. The alliance information section is literally cancer including a giant discord icon and the cherry on top is they are protected by Pantheon. This alliance should just merge into Pantheon or dissolve completely – here I was thinking I was going to like all the alliances in these rankings and we found our first ultimate trash alliance in this category – congratulations Electric Space.
Church of Atom – Rating: Be Better
Sure, I’ll give you the fact that Church of Atom is a pretty good-looking alliance. You get points for 16 members with a strict application process. They have nearly 5k average strength and seem to be an active bunch – as far as public perception, I can’t really say anything bad about these guys – I know a few of them, talked with a few of them and never had an issue, so there are some extra points there for y’all. The only downfall I see here is that y’all are protected while also protecting other alliances – I hate that shit. Also, the fact that you have connections with Polaris, Animal Farm, and Solar Knights…ugh and Dark Brotherhood is honestly just trash. I’m assuming y’all have these for a reason, tiering purposes? I think y’all can do better than that and I think you can be Better.
Animation Domination – Rating: Stop it. Get some help.
For the longest time, I actually admired Animation Domination, enough to be allied to them at one point during our time in Paradise. It wasn’t until the war and our dissolving of Paradise that their true colors actually showed. I don’t think they can maintain a war on their own and although they look like a no-fucks alliance, I believe they would actually prefer to just stack up the pixels and not engage in war with anyone – there’s no place for that here, we all know what happened to GPA. The best thing Animation Domination should do is to just stop – split up, join alliances within this judgement and actually learn how to play the game. Y’all have been here nearly a year, amassed 51 nations and you’re still sitting at a low average nation score and still holding onto treaties like you’re some noob alliance with most of them being Optional Defense (read back up on how they don’t want to war) – why sign a treaty if you’re not willing to jump in and help. Ultimately, being a protectorate of BK – you associate yourself with trash – therefore you become trash. Get some help.
The Enterprise – Rating: Has-Been
Honestly not much to say here that wasn’t already said in the T$ rating – either merge back together or fucking quit. There is reason for having a split alliance, but then there is just having two useless alliances when you could have one. I did hear that the ultimate goal for E$ is to end T$ – so maybe do that sooner than later? You can check out the rating for The Syndicate here. You don’t even get a gif.
The Federation – Rating: What even is you?
I’m not even sure what to say about this one – probably shoulda just done a grouping. You’re protected by Pantheon (sorry) and you have an optional defense pact with Knights of Malta. k? Y’all seem to have an active grouping – but, without careful management y’all might just become another lower tier alliance that stacks nations and remains irrelevant – I mean – are you currently relevant? I guess if your plan during your time here is to stack pixels and members under Pantheon, you’re doing the right thing – It would be nice if you guys kept growing, cut the fat, drop the weight and boost that average score and focus on becoming more of what WTF is. I don’t know what you are, do you even know what is you?
Group 1: TUE, RnR, The Revolutionary Front, Orange Defense Network – Rating: Disband
Yeah, I think it’s about that time. Time for a grouping of inadequate, trash smelling alliances. I’m not sure these guys actually give to the game other than controversies, cheating, and being absolutely inactive when it comes to politics. To me, these alliances are only holding the spot for a better alliance to push them even lower in the alliance rankings. RnR might have a pretty solid average score, but these other guys just seem to be pretty useless. If these guys were to disband, you’d have some pretty experienced members from each alliance joining (hopefully) other alliances within this ranking that could use the boost – and actually use the skills to be better. The only thing these alliances are good for is pairing up with larger alliances to be their little meatshields – just disband.
The Foundation – Rating: Failing, Could be better
Overall, The Foundation is not a hugely bad alliance, but there is something lacking here. I believe Samuel Bates came into this world with a giant ego and cocky attitude which ultimately knocked him down a few pegs. They are doing it right by limiting their allies and just having their Rose protection – which means they are loyal to Rose, so we can see them staying with Rose for a while. I think the best thing they can do is stop recruiting, build up the members you have, and become an actual force in the next war. I’m not happy with the ranking you have, too many alliances like The Foundation come into this game with a flame and then immediately get stomped out. Right now, you’re failing – but you could be better. Reach out to me if you want some ideas.
Nova Riata – Rating: Disband/Merge
Yarr – Rating: Disband/Merge
Horsemen – Rating: Keep Killing
DEFCON 1 – Rating: Try Harder
The Underground – Rating: Disband/Merge
Aurora – Rating: Disband
Raeiska – Rating: You’re new, I’ll catch you next time.
The Hanseatic League – Rating: Disband
Animal Farm – Rating: Trash/Quit
Rough Riders – Merged with BC
InfoWars – Rating: Merge
Valinor – Rating: Who are you? Disband
Hyperborea – Rating: Disband
The Empire of the Moonlit Sakura – Rating: Disband
I did a special edition of our new judgement series for Oblivion. You can check out our Oblivion judgement by clicking here.
The reason I’m doing this is not to trash talk alliances or make you feel bad about yourselves. The reason I’m doing this is to maybe motivate some more action, get people talking, and open up a dialogue to relieve some tension. We should be talking smack about each other because this game is a competition. For the most part, everyone is competing to be the best in one way or another – so why not share your opinions? What you think about an alliance shouldn’t be hidden behind closed doors.
I have my opinions on alliances based off my personal experiences with alliance members and alliance connections – if you are labeled as trash, it is likely because I think you’re a useless alliance, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I think you are trash in real life – if you choose to take the opinion of one man and take action against it, I applaud you for doing something. Don’t sit on your hands.
Thanks for reading.